Memories of You and I Ch. 6

Ch. 6

        Jax followed Axel somewhat against her will. She tried to analyze the situation from Axel's point of view, probably thinking that once she gets her mind cleared they will be able to be "friends". 'It's gonna take a lot more than that.' she thought to herself. They finally reached a great white door that lead to Vexen's private lab. Axel wasted no time making his presence known by banging loudly on the door; a specialty of his.
"Vexen! Open up, I've got someone who wants to talk to you!" he yelled. She glared at him as he was being his obnoxious self. This wasn't something she wanted to whole castle to know, whether they all went through the same thing or not. The door finally opened and Vexen came out, giving Axel the same look Jax was giving him.
"Why must you be so loud? I'm not deaf you know."
"Just wanted to make sure. Anyway, Jax here wants to talk to you. She's got a lot on her mind and you're the perfect person to help her 'make sense of it'." he explained. Vexen looked down at the young member, debating for a moment and then he stepped aside.
"Come in child." he told her. Jax quickly changed her expression but Axel just smiled back at her, a sincere one at that. He let go of her hand and she went in and followed Vexen after he closed the door. Trying not to be noisy, she kept her eyes on him only, avoiding looking around the strange room and whatever Vexen had been working on. He took out some paper and a pen and they both sat down at the counter.
"What seems to be the matter?" he asked calmly.
"I've been having weird thoughts..."
"About what?" he seemed to be writing stuff down but Jax couldn't figure out why since she hasn't really said anything.
"Well, there's some people I keep seeing in my dreams but I can't recognize any of them. I know for sure that I remember being some place warm, but the people are complete strangers to me."
"Well, then it's quite obvious." He stated plainly.
"Okay.... then what are these thoughts?"
"They are your memories. They're finally coming back to you. It's about time." he answered. Jax continued to stare blankly. " Come on Number XIV, it doesn't make the least bit of sense to you? These are your memories from your past life, when you had a heart." Jax was in disbelief.
"Really?"
"Yes. I would advise you to talk to some other members about it so they can explain it some more."
"Why can't you just tell me?" she didn't like feeling rushed, or the fact she would have to go around asking the others for help.
"Because I'm quite busy. If you truly need help, then come back. But I'm sure you can handle yourself." Vexen ordered. All she could do was sigh and suck up her pride and 'ask others for help'. Jax made her way out of the lab with her head down, ignoring everything around her and thinking of who to ask at the same time. She wasn't left with much options for as she exited the room, Marluxia was walking down the hall. He wasn't one Jax spoke to too often, but there's no real harm in trying right?
"Good day Number XIV." he greeted as he passed her by.
"Hi Marluxia. Mind if I ask you something?"
"Not at all." he smiled at her, somewhat intrigued by what might come out of her mouth.
"I've been having thoughts lately and I've been told that they are my memories coming back to me."
"Ah, quite an experience you're having."
"That's for sure. I'm kinda going around asking everyone about it, what was it like when you started getting your memories back?" she asked. He leaned against the wall and took a pose as if deep in thought. He took quite a few moments of pondering before any answer was given.
"Well, let me ask you this: have they started as dreams when you go to sleep?" Jax nodded her head. "And they have continued even while you're on duty, whether you were concentrating or-"
"Daydreaming?" she finished.
"Precisely. Then there's nothing more I can say. Everyone's experience is slightly different, and yet it all happens in the same way."
"I guess that helps...." Jax responded, unsure if anything that was said even made sense. "How long does it last?"
"Again, depends on only you. I'd give you a rough estimate, but it really is a test of true strength and how determined you are to remember; and I suggest letting the Superiors know so they wouldn't question your performance on missions." Finally, something valuable was said! She thanked him and then turned down the hall, letting everything sink in. It was mid-afternoon heading into evening and yet no one was really around, putting a big limit on who she should talk to. As if someone was reading her mind, she heard music start to play from the common room down the hall. She started to jog down and eventually recognized the sound as Demyx sitting on the couch with none other than sitar at hand. Demyx was interesting to talk to at times and she did enjoy his company.
"Whatcha doing Demyx?" she called from across the room.
"Just playing." he answered plainly. It always seemed like he was in a different world when he was playing his sitar.
"Can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure thing bud, have a seat." he patted the spot on the couch next to him. It was no wonder she valued his presence, he was always nicest to her and made her have those same 'feelings' that Roxas gave her.
"Apparently I've been getting my memories back." she started to say. He looked up at her, actually bothering to stop playing his sitar and put his focus onto her.
"Oh wow, how’ve you been doing?"
"Alright I suppose. Why do you ask?"
"It can be overwhelming at times. Like, you never stop thinking and that just tires you out." Of course this is what he would say. Jax was well aware of his lazy ways and anything that involved too much thinking became work, and work was his enemy.
"Do you remember what it was like when you started getting your memories back?"
"Yeah, it's basically why I am the way I am." Jax was caught off guard. How could gaining some memories change a person's being? "Like I said, it's overwhelming and it didn't seem to go over so well with Saix. You could say that's why they call me 'lazy', but they got it all wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"My opinion just changed, that's all. I know I'm only one person, but it's enough for me to tell them that I don't completely agree with the way things get done around here, so I kind of just don't do it." Demyx explained. Jax was finally feeling the 'overwhelming' part, like a bomb was dropped on her but for a few different reasons. 1. She never would have thought that Demyx had such a profound mind. And 2. What does he know about the Organization that makes him refuse to do his job?
"Demyx, I-"
"Look, don't over think things, okay? Or you might end up like me." he joked. Jax tried to laugh, but what he said before just wouldn't leave her mind. She wanted to know more, since he was the most help she has received yet, but she didn't want to push the limits.
"So, you really remember when you were a Somebody?" he leaned back in his seat and nodded his head. He looked to be at peace but Jax was wondering if it was about to be shattered. "Was there someone you really cared about?" she whispered. It was his turn to be caught off guard as he quickly looked at her and once again, nodded his head. She was afraid that she may have caused discomfort, but he didn't seem the least bit disturbed. Even though she bothered to ask him, it's not like she would understand much. From earlier discussions between other members, she's been able to understand that these 'feelings' that they lack come in different expressions and intensities. There are positive ones and negative ones, and she's been able to distinguish which one she was currently talking about.
"Yeah, there was someone. But without a heart, I don't feel sadness or have that longing feeling to be with them."
"Surely you remember those emotions..."
"I try not to." he said curtly. His fingers slid across the neck of the sitar, letting a few notes ring. It wasn't long before a smile appeared on his face. "But it's really easy to remember, so when I want to, I just play my sitar." Jax was in awe. It seemed that 'joy' was an easy emotion, whether it was remembering it or producing it and Demyx was clearly showing it, heart or no heart. She felt the pleasure one gets when they do something right, and talking to Demyx was definitely the right thing. And maybe when the time was right, she would learn more about the curiosities he had brought about in her. A smile was spread on both their faces, so she left with a pleasant goodbye and continued down the hall. It was the same wing her bedroom was in, so she figured it was about time to get ready for dinner. Her eyes wandered as she strolled, looking out the windows at the slight overcast outside. No matter the amount of clouds, the moon was alway visible, shining its powerful glow on the castle. Intrigued by the wondrous mass in the sky, she hadn't realized she was approaching the staircase to the second floor where more bedrooms had been; and coming down the stairs was Number VII, the Nobody she wanted to talk to the least, but needed the most. Glancing up at him she noticed his gaze was on a stack of papers in his hand, giving her the cue to dash across to the safety of her room. Just as she thought she was in the clear, he called out her name, well, her number.
"I don't recall invisibility being one of your specialties, Number XIV." he said shrewdly.
"Apologies Saix. I didn't want to interrupt you." she quickly said, not putting much sincerity in the apology.  "But there is something that I need to talk to you about." she decided that it would be safer to tell him now than to prolong the news. He reached the bottom floor and stood in front of her, stern eyes as always.
"I've been acting somewhat different these past couple of weeks, so I talked to Vexen and he told me that I'm getting my memories back."
"It's about time you realized that. No one else had been fooled." Jax was taken back by his comment, construing it as an insult.
"Well, I'm not as experienced as everyone else-"
"That is not an adequate reason. Your poor performance was proof enough."
"That's why I wanted--- well, needed to talk to you." she stumbled on her words, putting clear emphasis that this conversation was nothing she really wanted. "Everyone I've talked to said that I should be taking it easy so I wouldn't stress myself out."
"I'm afraid that no longer qualifies as a valid excuse, therefore your duties will not be changed. And poor performance will come with consequences."
"But that's not fair!" her voice finally raised, no longer being able to stay civil.
"It's not a question of fairness. During your whole existence in this Organization your contribution has been less than sufficient, so your orders remain." his calm demeanor was starting to shake, clearly losing his patience.
"Everyone else was given different treatment! Why should I be any different? And maybe my performance has been poor because that's what you've been assigning me! I go on these half-made missions or you make me double up with someone when I can clearly do it on my own," Jax showed no signs of quieting, therefore attracting a small audience; she paid no attention to them, but it was her throat that began to ache, so she toned it down just so she was only heard by Saix. "I'm starting to question the importance of my missions, and even my existence in the Organization. I know that it has existed for many years now which means you've probably explored all the worlds out there, and you're just giving me busy work. I haven't been treated as an equal from the start, so now I understand why you won't start now." Jax looked around and noticed almost all thirteen members were present, except one; she scanned all their expressions, some showed interest in the argument, some showed discomfort and what they would remember as worry. But as she turned her attention to the top of the staircase, Xemnas stared at her with a look she didn't recognize. His eyes wouldn't leave hers, but it wasn't intimidation she was feeling. Her eyes once again reached Saix, his expression was unchanged. "If I was never important to this Organization, then why didn't you just throw me back into the darkness, where I belong." A portal appeared behind her and she disappeared in an instant, faster than she was able to catch a glimpse of her red-headed friend.
     It was as if time had never moved and she was once again standing before the dark skyscraper. The large screen flashed before her with nothing but static reflecting. Her chest began to ache and she fell to the ground with her arms clutching her sides. Tears were inevitable, but she was tired of them, tired of feeling what could be memories dripping down her face, forever escaping her. With one last gasp, she screamed at the top of her lungs, hearing the echo around her and lowered her head into her lap. Unbeknownst to her, the screen flashed and reflected her deepest memory; three somebodies who remained unrecognizable to her and yet, they shared the greatest sympathy. For somewhere in a distant world only visible to her as a star in the sky, three somebodies shed a tear.